Top, or bottom? This applies to straight folk, too– Top, or bottom? If you answered top, cool. If you answered bottom, good. If you’re confused, here’s a little history lesson for yah. In ancient greece, they didn’t define sexuality by gender, they defined it by sexual position. There weren’t no fuss about genitalia. Just pleasure, and the reverence to pursue it. This wisdom echoes throughout history, culminating with a resounding comprehension of human connection, and an intellectual inquiry to our very existential nature best summarized by this simple question…

Top, or bottom?

Now, here’s a question for the ladies: Would you date a bisexual guy? Sure, why not, some of you might say. Okay. Well, what if I tell you he likes topping women as much as he likes bottoming men? hmm? My bet is you’ll draw the line there. Jealousy aside, women just don’t like the idea of their man getting it ‘up the bum’, especially from another guy. Even the most open-minded women I know. Doesn’t matter how hot he is— It just wouldn’t work, they’ll say. Then I’ll ask what they think about pegging a guy and they’ll laugh, entertaining the idea. But a REAL penis? Now, you’ve gone too far. That man might as well be gay.

Okay. So let’s flip it. Dudes— fellas—brohams, you’re approached by a woman you really like and find out she’s bi. Does that hurt her chances at getting with you? What if she liked girls as much as guys, you mad? Probably not. Worst case scenario, she makes-out with another girl. Deep down, you think she’s havin’ fun. What a wild girl, it kinda turns you on. Besides who’s she kiddin’. She’ll come back for that D, right? (wrong) But essentially, what I’m saying here is that there aren’t many guys out there that’d be threatened by their woman being with another lady. Some might actually like that idea. Besides, women aren’t a real threat– ahh, there it is– I knew it. The double standard. Alive, and kickin’.

You know, growing up, I remember being gay was bad enough, but if I claimed to be a TOP, things were a lot better. Straight guys found common ground with sticking our dicks into stuff, while women found it easier to forget I was gay. Both benefited me as an alpha. And the more strict of a TOP I was, the better. I had found a loophole in the fabric of society and yes, I exploited it as much as I could. That led to my own rendition of toxic masculinity, but more on that later.

So anyways, the real question comes down to, why do Tops get more street cred than slutty bottoms? And sure you can say, nobody likes a loose butthole. But I’d argue, it’s the same reason why people believe bisexual men are secretly gay, and bisexual women will end up with a man some day. It would appear that as a society, we believe all roads will lead back to one thing. Dick. And it’s beyond gender. It’s beyond sex. Universally, we can all agree: it’s better to fuck, than be fucked– cuz yeah, there’s a special power in that. Obviously. But there’s so much more to sex than that. Straight men like their buttholes licked, too, you know. And women can strap-on dildos with feminine power. It’s cool. The combinations are endless. Next time, we’ll talk about the art of versatility. So for now, just remember…

A finger up the bum today, is equality tomorrow.